What is child abuse?

Child abuse is when a parent or caregiver, whether through action or inaction, causes harm to a child. There are many forms of child abuse, including physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect. Growing up in a home where there is domestic abuse, substance abuse, or other scary, chaotic, or violent parental behavior is also a fo(rm of abuse.

How common is child abuse?

Because of the secretive nature of child abuse and various definitions of what abuse constitutes, it is difficult to know exactly how many children are abused. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 4 adults (25%) in the U.S. say they were abused as children. The true number is probably higher, as many adults do not realize that their parents’ harsh punishments, neglect, abandonment, substance abuse, or violent behaviors are forms of child abuse.

What causes child abuse?

Child abuse is a complex problem with multiple causes. The use of physical or corporal punishment is a major risk factor. More than 2/3 of all child abuse is the result of punishment that got out of hand. Parents who have unrealistic and age-inappropriate expectations for their children’s behavior are more likely to commit child abuse, as are parents with anger management problems. Some other factors that have been shown to increase the likelihood of child abuse are parental substance abuse, parental mental illness, domestic violence in the home, and poverty. Children born of unintended pregnancies and children with disabilities are at increased risk.

What are the effects of child abuse?

Child abuse can cause a range of psychological, emotional, and physical problems. One long-term study found that up to 80% of abused people had at least one psychiatric disorder at age 21, with problems including depression, anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, eating disorders, and suicide attempts. Adults who were abused as children are at increased risk for low self-esteem, dissociative symptoms, and difficulties with trust and relationships. Victims are also more likely to commit crimes as juveniles and adults.

Adults who experienced abuse or neglect during childhood are more likely to suffer from physical ailments such as allergies, arthritis, asthma, bronchitis, high blood pressure, and ulcers. There may be a higher risk of developing cancer later in life, as well as possible immune dysfunction.

Poly-Victimization

Unfortunately, many children are abused multiple times in multiple ways. Poly-victimization, especially experiencing different types of abuse (e.g., physical, sexual, neglect) is associated with the development of more symptoms of trauma. There is a strong relationship between the number of abusive experiences a child experiences and later cigarette smoking, obesity, physical inactivity, alcoholism, drug abuse, depression, attempted suicide, sexual promiscuity, and sexually transmitted diseases. People who reported higher numbers of negative experiences in childhood were also more likely to have heart disease, cancer, stroke, diabetes, skeletal fractures, liver disease, and poor health as an adult.

What are remedies for the effects of child sexual abuse?
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Many adults who were abused as children do not realize how it may have affected them, so they don’t seek help for the abuse. Instead, they eventually enter psychotherapy for secondary issues like anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and relationship problems. During the course of therapy, victims of child abuse often begin to see a link between their current problems and their past abuse. In remembering the abuse and mourning its damage, survivors can free themselves to lead more fulfilling lives.

What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

Borderline Personality Disorder is a condition in which a person feels perpetually unstable. People suffering from BPD typically have an unstable sense of self, unstable emotions, and unstable relationships. Desperate to be loved yet fearing abandonment, they have a tendency to quickly attach to others only to become enrage when others can’t meet their impossible expectations. Deep inside, people with BPD struggle with feelings of self-loathing, which can cause them to self-harm and become suicidal.

What causes Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)?

The is a strong correlation between Borderline Personality Disorder and trauma in childhood. Specifically, many people with BPD report histories of neglect, abandonment, and/or abuse in childhood, including verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. People with BPD often report that as children their thoughts and feelings were invalidated by caregivers. They also report that their caregivers were either emotionally unavailable or treated them inconsistently—running hot and cold. It is theorized that abnormal attachment patterns with caregivers may be the basis for later developing Borderline Personality Disorder.

How common is Borderline Personality Disorder?

At any given time, approximately 1.6% of the general population is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. Women are three times more likely to suffer from BPD as men. This is possibly because girls are about three to four times more likely to suffer child sexual abuse than boy. BPD is more common in young adults than older adults, possibly because people outgrow the disorder as they age.

What are the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder?

The most noticeable feature of Borderline Personality Disorder is stormy personal relationships. People with BPD tend to be starving for love and affection, yet they have an inherent distrust of others and constantly fear disrespect and abandonment. Because of this, people with BPD are hypersensitive to any kind of insult or rejection and are notorious for becoming enraged with people who they believe have hurt them.
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People with Borderline Personality Disorder suffer from feelings of shame and deep self-loathing. This make them susceptible to depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, and self-harm behaviors, including suicidality.

What are remedies for Borderline Personality Disorder?
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Due to self-harm behaviors, suicide attempts, and substance abuse, people with BPD are frequent users of mental health services. Long-term psychotherapy is the preferred treatment for sufferers of BPD. Dialectic Behavior Therapy, either in a group or individually, has also been shown to be effective. In addition, people with BPD may benefit from medication to help with feelings of anxiety and depression. With proper treatment, most people with BPD can overcome the disorder completely and go on to lead satisfying and fulfilling lives.

Seventy New Yorkers were arrested this week for the possession and distribution of child pornography. They were nabbed in an undercover sting that exposed the nefarious activities of community leaders, including a Westchester police chief, a rabbi, two cops, two nurses, a paramedic, an au pair, and a Boy Scout leader/Little League coach. In discussing the accused, James T. Hayes, Jr., special agent for Homeland Security, said he found the professional status of the perps troubling: “We can no longer assume that the only people who would stoop to prey on children are unemployed drifters.”

Hayes is talking to the parents of America who, despite all evidence, maintain the belief that pedophiles are dirty, old man in raincoats who lurk at playgrounds. Constant news reports about abductees like Elizabeth Smart, Jaycee Dugard, and the Cleveland kidnapping victims reinforce the image of predators as deranged derelicts with dirty hair, unkempt clothes, and crazy eyes. As a result, people think the biggest danger to children is disturbed strangers. But nothing could be further from the truth. Less than 10% of all child molestations are committed by strangers. 90% of all child sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the child already knows. The real dangers to children are teachers, coaches, pediatricians, babysitters, clergymen, neighbors, friends, family, husbands, and even our teenage sons.

The truth about pedophiles is hard for most parents to swallow. It means there are people they know and trust and maybe love right now who collect pictures of naked kids. Some people don’t realize they have kiddie porn in their own homes—hidden on the family laptop in the upstairs bedroom. My mother was such a person. She was married to a pedophile teacher who molested me and lots of his students. He ran the Drama Club at our school and tutored kids for free on weekends. Most people thought he was a fine, upstanding guy who went out of his way to help the children in his care.

My dad collected child pornography, like nearly every pedophile. He traded images with other pedophiles in a ring similar to the one that just got busted. As far as I know, there were no unemployed drifters in the ring—just teachers, policemen, a guy who sold rare coins, an executive at Crayola, and the fellow who owned the local hoagie shop. These were regular guys. Most of them were married with kids. They belonged to the PTA and coached the school sports teams. They weren’t strangers.

Well, not on the outside.

That’s what’s so hard about these kinds of stories. They remind us that there are people we know who we don’t really know at all. Pedophiles are master manipulators who live among us and delight in conning parents and kids. In order to effectively deceive, they almost always lead a double life. They have families, work solid jobs, and become members of a church. In short, they deliberately establish themselves as the good guys. Then, under their covers as model citizens, they pursue their real goal—sex with children.
Is it any wonder that when these good guys are arrested, we have trouble believing it? These are our beloved neighbors, coaches, uncles, husbands. How could they suddenly turn around and do something so horrible?

What most people can’t accept is the fact that they didn’t suddenly, in a weak moment, decide to hurt a child. This something they’ve been doing for years. We just didn’t see it. We see a dedicated teacher/priest/friend who inexplicably exploited a child. In reality, the role of teacher/priest/friend is just the pedophile’s cover—his means of accessing victims.